Dejavu

There's something in his eyes

There's something in it

I could not explain.

Staring and hiding as he run away

He looked back and caught me by surprise..

He smiled

Geez! Trapped!

Damn! Unspoken!

- my journal (May 22, 1995) -

Huh!!!?! It's happening all over again. Same feeling. Same adrenalin. Same thoughts. Trapped! Caught in between. But, I'm proud.. very proud! Though one thing's for sure, it will remain unspoken... Stupid bitch! *sigh*

21 Things About Me

Get to know me...

1. - I'm socially liberal but very conservative in nature.
2. - A cry baby-super! 
3. - Good listener not a great comforter
4. - Night crawler for about a decade
5. - Superdooper as in mega over hyper individual 
6. - Sweet and bubbly yet bitchy if situation calls for it
7. - Super takaw and loves sweets-
8. - Scared of heights, BLOOD (eeeww..), cockroach and ghosts 
9. - Once a theatre artist 
10. - Singing is part of my everyday routine
11. - Videoke addict 
12. - Frustrated dancer 
13. - Very opinionated and yet a very principled individual
14. - Frustrated chef 
15. - Straightforward so sometimes annoying
16. - Stubborn yet go by the rules 
17. - Movie addict 
18. - Can sleep 16hrs straight 
19. - People oriented 
20. - I don't believe in destiny 
21. - Loud music makes me sleep 

Reminiscing and my curly hair

I supposed to meet up with Eden, Lyra, French and Scott (it's his birthday today) at Redbox. But, I was damn busy with my journal. I read my entries dated 1995... 

I was still in highschool that time. He was such a venom, yet my first love. All the pains and sufferings..I thought, I would end up with him. But, I guess it was never meant to me. I still feel the pain while reading my journal. How could that be? It's been years... We never spoke in years... There was no ending. I just flew away. No need for an explanation. He totally blew it. But how come here am I still thinking of him... Reminiscing what could have been, what might have been. Undying promises... Yet he gave me a tormenting surprise. I guess, nothing will ever beat the sweetness and bitterness of first love.

And reading put me into sleep... crying... and longing... seeking for endless answers. I never deserved to be hurt that way. Why did I have to experience such a traumatic and tormenting past? Still feel blessed knowing I'm still capable to love... But maybe not in the same way I ever was...

Just had my hair curled today. My Mom gave me a 3-in-1 hairstyler. And i really like it! It's a volumizer, straightener and curler in one. It's really cool! So, i don't have to buy each separately. It's very compact! I met up Aian, Jonex and Winnie over at Starbucks. I really couldn't get over my hair being curled so i kept on bragging it to the TQA. But Marcus said it's just wavy! Whatever! It just reminds of Kate Hudson's hair in Almost Famous. Dickie said I just imitate Tina Arena's foxy look. Duh.. people!

It's a very stressful day! I wasn't able to scan because i took over Pam's class on nesting. So, i render floorsupport for the full shift.

One hell of an asshole

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I really hate what i'm feeling right now. I want to blurt it out.. yet, i know it will add up insult to injury... You really can't please everybody. It keeps on coming back like a flash in a speed of light. I'm shaking like hell! What would i get if i give an agent a 0%? Will that give me an increase? Will that give promotion? As a matter of fact, that would affect my performance as well. As to how well i provide coaching or am i being effective? But then again, it hit me hard so fast and before i knew it, i'm caught off guard. 

Bullsh*t!!! I thought the issue was already resolved. It's been a month now. For all i know, that agent moved to VXI. However, she advised her TM that she's fuckin sick because of that evaluation i gave her. Yes, that stupid moron filed a Leave of Absence. See?! She's fuckin' crazy, dude! She was so damn brave to terminate that call and now she wanted to tell everybody it's my fault why she's suffering from quagmire... She's insisting that she never had released that fuckin' call. yeah ryt! Tell that to the marines. Everything was captured by NICE. It's her word against NICE!!! Apparently, i saw her father walking on by the corridors of 8th floor. I smiled at him. Yet, he gave me that freakin' look on his face. As if i killed her daughter? Goodness sake!!! They're possessed!!!

There you go... i just said it all... It ruined my day. I tried to be not affected but, it's still ruining my day. During my coaching session, one of my agents asked me if i'm ok. I asked him why. Then he said, it's because i'm not smiling. Almost messed up everything... coaching... positive scripting.. post shift meeting with my team.

I believe in the law of karma coz it kicks so fast... Better run, asshole!! I pity you!!!

my only consolation

I was kinda harassed today because of the work load. Yet, at the end of the day, it feels good to realize that i was able to accomplish my checklist. Getting a positive feedback from my Boss. Inspiring people to beat me... Sounds that i'm starting to be conceited again! hehehe.. 

I was expecting a call from kermit. But, it's been 3 days since the last time we talk. I guess, he's still mad. Just slept when we're watching Blade Trinity. Really fucked up on his birthday. But, i'm still waiting for his call.. and will still wait until his anger gone out. Hopefully.. the sooner.. the better..

My shining stars

Just did a crash course with Raiders, Buccaneers, Titans, Texans and Bears. It was a very tiring day. Discussed QA presentation. I'm telling yah, I already memorized each and every bullet of that power point. Our center isn't getting any calls since saturday. Mainbank Boise said it has something to do with the ivr coz it's updating. Oh well, now i know how it feels to be a Trainer. Though, it was fun... i'm telling yah.. i didn't seem to like it. =p

even if the day is so exhausted...

it's nice to know that i have my team that makes my day light...

"The Lady with passion for sarcasm.."

"The Moment stealer"

The Terrorist & The Queen Mom

The Ambassadress & The Bibba Hotbabe

Closure

I wasn't able to go to work last night. Bo, Maya and Kwinny bought lunch for us. They slept early than usual. I'm having a hard time sleeping because of the long hours of sleep last night.

I contemplated and then, I found myself incomplete. I miss BOSS. So, i grabbed my cellphone and sent a message to Eden and Scott saying how i wanted to end the gap between us. Afterall, it's been 3 months. I never expected a response from them. There were many occasions that I missed out. Maybe, i was really hurt.But, this message really paid it all. It touched my heart completely. "From the very start you've been special to our whole family... Nothing has changed. We still feel the same way for you. Let's not talk about the past. We have the rest of our lifes to enjoy our friendship." 

So, maybe i overeacted before.. I should've consulted either one of them if it was true. Yet, i didn't.. I detached myself and tried to hard to stay away from them... It was never an easy decision. They were my closest friends. I should've not judged them. Me and my prejudices. At least now, it's over...