Realization

Just had my 10 step coaching method demonstration. It was a rush! I did not expect it will be part of audit of Quality Assurance Department. Ah well, it felt good! I got a positive feedback from Mike Hoff and Bess Lim.

Recognition is something that you would have to earn. I guess, hard work pays off. So, I hafta focus! I'm losing out of track for the past few days. I'm still sad because of kermit. But, I'm taking everything positively. Maybe, we're not really meant for each other. Maybe, I'll find my man soon.. Who knows?! Just gotta concentrate on my job! I'm enjoying it! At least, i'm free!

"What you need is courage! Courage to accept the truth lies behind you so that you can see what lies ahead of you. Courage to face what is instore for you... You have lost the most expensive treasures in your life. But there are some jewelries left behind.. your friends! your job! Things that are valuable and rare! The freedom that you will experience is gonna make the pain subside. But later on, you will realize how sad and lonely to be alone. So, forgive and forget then move on..."

I was hoping... I'm hoping... I'll still hope...

another utopia

"I know you will feel bad that's why i chose to be alone. Now that you see and feel my point... Let me be the air you breathe..."

It was never what it seemed to be. I'm tormented... broken into pieces. Yet, I felt the glory. It is a battle i have to face, alone! And, I'm ready!

"What i saw in you was the real you and that blew me away. A woman who has great potentials. A woman who believes in her dreams. And, a woman who is fighting for love.."

Better than i hoped for.. better than expected! It's lying beneath the roseline. I'm still smiling... i'm still moving on! I'll find love someday.. May he find me soon!

Vampire Banshee

I almost cry my heart out after reading Kwinny's entry. I never expected it! So, here's what she wrote for me.

Yes, life is so unfair. We may have our ups and downs. It takes so much pains to appreciate glory. It takes so much tears to appreciate laughter. It takes so much burdens to get into paradise. It takes so much betrayal to trust and open one's heart again. It takes so much hatred to appreciate love.

Darkness can not take out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate can not take out hate. Only love can. 

From my inner sanctity, thank you so much Kwiny, Bo, Sarah & Maya. Life sucks! But knowing you guys are there.. life is a little bit easier to handle.

More than hatred

I hate you... I despise you... I abhor you...

He is my life. He never changed. I never want to see him, never again. I don't want to be with him, never again. He's such a damn liar! All of his sweet lies. All of his pretentions!

I will never be deceived... never again! Gotta face this alone..

Let me drown in quagmire. Let me die in pain!

In the absence of sound

Afraid! Confused and rattled. What can he say?

He said, it's the fear!!

He never said a word. Never he denied nor confirmed.

Long pause... could be for a lifetime.

Without a word, he slowly approached me . We spoke in silence.

Like this...

if anyone asks you how the perfect satisfaction of all our sexual wanting would look, lift your face and say, like this...

when someone mentions the greatness ot the rightsky, climb up on the roof and dance and say, like this...

if anyone wants to know what 'spirit' means, or what 'God's fragrance' means, lean your face toward him or her, keep your face close.. like this..

when someone quotes the old poetic image about clouds gradually uncovering the moon, slowly loosen knot by knot the strings of your robe. like this..

if anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead, don't try to explain the miracle...kiss me on the lips... like this.. like this...

if someone asks how tall i am. frown and measure with your fingers the space between the creases on your forehead.. this tall! the soul sometimes leaves the body, then returns.

when someone doesn't believe that, walk back into my house... like this..

i am a sky where spirits live. stare into the deeping blue, while the breeze says a secret.. like this...

when someone asks what there is to do, light the candle in his hand... like this..

when lovers moan, they're telling our story. like this...

when someone asks what it means to die for LOVE, point here in my heart.. like this.. it died, like this.....

- Aian's piece -

Reflection

Pause. It was never what it seemed to be. I see myself in all possibilities. Awkward! Yet, i embraced it all. It was such a sweetful graze wherein it started out with a sweet jazz. Mellow music that seranades my soul. Then, there it goes. Across the moonlit and glass window pane, there he was. Heaven!

I opened my eyes, is it a dream?

I'm swaying, i'm searching... One lost soul! One lost love! A lost dream! Yet, i'm in paradise. He's with me in a sweet fantasy! Illusion can never be real!

Reality strikes!!! I know I have to wake up from long sleep. For only in my dreams, i won't be diagnosed by my own pill... It will never be the same!