Broken-winded

I woke up at 4:30 am. I have nothing to do in our orange house. So, i decided to go to the office even if it's my off. I checked my email. I knew it! He sent me an email.

"His words.. undying words..sweet words... lies! lies!"

Told myself gotta stop! It's easier said than done. I know, i'll get over it. I'd never indulge myself.. never again! Venom was never a sweet jazz. It was more of a potion... deceiving! alluring! misleading! deluding! desirable yet habitual!

In the absence of pleasure... there's tranquil.

Stalker??!!

Just got an anonymous message.. ah well, i think, someone's fooling around

or playing jokes on me. I'm not affected... He's just a fan! hahahahaha...

I miss him. I miss him. Damn!

Maybe, he's the one who sent that message! (Asa ka pa, Ice!) Now I'm thinking!

Definitely, I'll rejoice if it's really him.

"Miss you! Miss me?" I'm still puzzled.

Getting to my nerves

Good thing i wasn't able to see that asshole. He's such a silly creature! Dumb ass! Hornbutt!! eeewww... I really hate his guts! I can describe him in one word - "Moron!" It's freaking me out! Eeeerrrrr...

Oh wait.. actually, I can say a lot of things about him...

Liar. Stupid. Asshole. Dumb. Fool. Stubborn. Wretched. Imbecile. Bastard. Shitface. Bullfrog. Irresponsible. Offensive. Jerk. Obtuse. Senseless. Torpid. Dull. Crass. Vexatious, Exasperating. Brutish. Unreasonable. Hick. Insensible. Slugish.

...and it all boils down

"He's obsolete... Nonsense!"

Finally, i vent it out...

Drowned

Once again, I'm drowned...

It was never love.

It was something that i anticipated,

Stupidity!

How can i escape?

He's feeding me

with the sweetness of his venom?

I never refused...

It was an instinct!

Did it make me happy?

Apparently, yes!

Did i regret?

Initially, no!

Again, it was passion!

I knew for a fact,

it was a big mistake!

yet, I embraced it all once again...

Am i selfish?

I guess so...

he was never my life,

though, it was the venom

i longed for...

"See you in a couple of days!"

Again, i'm strayed! I'm totally drowned.. Do i have plans of stopping? I don't have the will to do so...

Quality time

Finally, i saw Sophie (Scott and Eden's baby). She's so healthy and pretty. I met them over at G4 infront of Tater's. Eden and I talked seriously. We cleared out all the biases and confusions we had in the past. Tita (Eden's mom) asked me to go with her in Hongkong this march. Well, it's exciting! That's something i can explore.

I had great time with kermit. We watched Meet the Fockers and went to Music21 after. He was so crazy singing alternative songs like Unwell, Wherever you will go, etc. It was really fun. We went home by 1am.

"mon chanson inoubliable"

I need to get a life. I 'm at work for 12 hours due to work load. Also, I need to be at the office this coming Saturday and Sunday. Bad news is.. i'd be here alone.. yup! all by myself. But, that's what i'd get for being sick for couple of days. Kermit said we'd meet up by saturday after our shifts. I'm so excited. It's been awhile since we were together not to mention that he got mad because i mess up on his birthday.

I Didn't Know I Was Looking For Love

by Everything But The Girl
Album

I was alone thinking I was just fine,
I wasn't looking for anyone to be mine
I thought that love was just a fabrication,
A train that wouldn't stop at my station
Home, alone, that was my consignment,
Solitary, confinement
So when we met, I was getting around you,
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you.
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you
I didn't know I was looking for love
I didn't know I was looking for love
'Cuz there you stood, and I would,
Oh I wonder, could I say how I felt and not be misunderstood?
A thousand stars came into my system,
I never knew how much I have missed them.
Slap, on the lap, of my heart you landed,
I was coy, but you made me candid,
And now the planets circle around you,
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you.
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you
I didn't know I was looking for love
I didn't know I was looking for love
So we build from here with love the foundation
In the world of tears, one conselation
Now you're here and there's a full brass band
Playing in me like a wonderland
But if you left I would be two foot small
And every tear would be a waterfall
Soundless, boundless, I surround you
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you.
I just didn't know.
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you
I didn't know I was looking for love until I found you
I didn't know I was looking for love
I didn't know I was looking for love
(repeat to the end)

I wanted to post this song since then but i just forgot to do so... 

Dejavu

There's something in his eyes

There's something in it

I could not explain.

Staring and hiding as he run away

He looked back and caught me by surprise..

He smiled

Geez! Trapped!

Damn! Unspoken!

- my journal (May 22, 1995) -

Huh!!!?! It's happening all over again. Same feeling. Same adrenalin. Same thoughts. Trapped! Caught in between. But, I'm proud.. very proud! Though one thing's for sure, it will remain unspoken... Stupid bitch! *sigh*