another utopia

"I know you will feel bad that's why i chose to be alone. Now that you see and feel my point... Let me be the air you breathe..."

It was never what it seemed to be. I'm tormented... broken into pieces. Yet, I felt the glory. It is a battle i have to face, alone! And, I'm ready!

"What i saw in you was the real you and that blew me away. A woman who has great potentials. A woman who believes in her dreams. And, a woman who is fighting for love.."

Better than i hoped for.. better than expected! It's lying beneath the roseline. I'm still smiling... i'm still moving on! I'll find love someday.. May he find me soon!

Vampire Banshee

I almost cry my heart out after reading Kwinny's entry. I never expected it! So, here's what she wrote for me.

Yes, life is so unfair. We may have our ups and downs. It takes so much pains to appreciate glory. It takes so much tears to appreciate laughter. It takes so much burdens to get into paradise. It takes so much betrayal to trust and open one's heart again. It takes so much hatred to appreciate love.

Darkness can not take out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate can not take out hate. Only love can. 

From my inner sanctity, thank you so much Kwiny, Bo, Sarah & Maya. Life sucks! But knowing you guys are there.. life is a little bit easier to handle.

More than hatred

I hate you... I despise you... I abhor you...

He is my life. He never changed. I never want to see him, never again. I don't want to be with him, never again. He's such a damn liar! All of his sweet lies. All of his pretentions!

I will never be deceived... never again! Gotta face this alone..

Let me drown in quagmire. Let me die in pain!

In the absence of sound

Afraid! Confused and rattled. What can he say?

He said, it's the fear!!

He never said a word. Never he denied nor confirmed.

Long pause... could be for a lifetime.

Without a word, he slowly approached me . We spoke in silence.

Like this...

if anyone asks you how the perfect satisfaction of all our sexual wanting would look, lift your face and say, like this...

when someone mentions the greatness ot the rightsky, climb up on the roof and dance and say, like this...

if anyone wants to know what 'spirit' means, or what 'God's fragrance' means, lean your face toward him or her, keep your face close.. like this..

when someone quotes the old poetic image about clouds gradually uncovering the moon, slowly loosen knot by knot the strings of your robe. like this..

if anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead, don't try to explain the miracle...kiss me on the lips... like this.. like this...

if someone asks how tall i am. frown and measure with your fingers the space between the creases on your forehead.. this tall! the soul sometimes leaves the body, then returns.

when someone doesn't believe that, walk back into my house... like this..

i am a sky where spirits live. stare into the deeping blue, while the breeze says a secret.. like this...

when someone asks what there is to do, light the candle in his hand... like this..

when lovers moan, they're telling our story. like this...

when someone asks what it means to die for LOVE, point here in my heart.. like this.. it died, like this.....

- Aian's piece -

Reflection

Pause. It was never what it seemed to be. I see myself in all possibilities. Awkward! Yet, i embraced it all. It was such a sweetful graze wherein it started out with a sweet jazz. Mellow music that seranades my soul. Then, there it goes. Across the moonlit and glass window pane, there he was. Heaven!

I opened my eyes, is it a dream?

I'm swaying, i'm searching... One lost soul! One lost love! A lost dream! Yet, i'm in paradise. He's with me in a sweet fantasy! Illusion can never be real!

Reality strikes!!! I know I have to wake up from long sleep. For only in my dreams, i won't be diagnosed by my own pill... It will never be the same!

Stolen Moments

Am I being paranoid? Are they watching all of my actions. This is very unbecoming.

Yet, I'm not in control. Can no longer think anymore?

Upwards. Inside. 2souls. Then, the clock stopped. It was just 3 seconds of sweetness graze. Seized.

Rhythm came in just right in time. I never asked for love. I'm taking my pill now. I'm getting too addicted to it. Felt the pain, felt the glory, felt the rhythm, felt it all just when i least expect it.