Journal Entry '98: Vulnerable

I have eyes to see the reality

Yet I'm blind to accept it.

I have hands to touch 

and feel the warmth,

Yet I'm paralyse to reach.

I have a mind to contemplate enough,

Yet it's blocked by a stronger force.

I have a heart to know the beating sound,

Yet it's louder than my scream..

I found myself, empty!

I found it meaningless... absurd!

Why you're so mean?

- Sep '98

Journal Entry '98: Spell

Mark this day for you will not be remembered as love.
For you who never paid much attention to all my sufferings,
For you who never cared enough about the sadness you brought me,
For you who never dare to know who really am or what do I feel,
For you who never look deep inside of me..
You are now bound by a curse... a spell!


Mark this day for things will soon reverse...
Until then, I'll just look back at you with an idiot smile...

- Sep '98

Journal Entry '98: Mystery

Lost in a world of confusion,

No one to turn to - Love was left unspoken.

Without light to guide your way -

A path towards death leading you away...

Don't dare look back

For the past still haunt your thoughts.

Picture of grin won't be shown anymore,

Even the vast of full emotions...

Don't dare run,

Mixed creatures will follow.

Along your journey leads you to nowhere...

No one to turn to - Nobody would even care!

Suddenly, you remember someone up high,

Then you found yourself kneeling along the aisle...

- July '98

Journal Entry '98: Just Ask Me

Ask me to meet you halfway

and I will be there

extending my hand.

Ask me to give you support

and I will be strong

for you to lean on.

Ask me to understand you

and I'll listen without

prejudices.

Ask me stay

and be a part of 

your life forever...

and I will.

Ask me to hold your hand,

to respect your will,

because I love you... I will...

- July '98

Journal Entry '98: Garbled

My mood is changing,

my thoughts are shattering.

The sea is calm..

I hope you'll come!

The trees may die,

the birds can fly..

Whenever you neglect me,

I felt nobody!

The wind blows,

as my love grows.

Whenever you stare,

I feel you care...

- July '98

Journal Entry '98: Unspoken

I want to spend my life

with you.

I want to share my

world with you.

I always wanted to be near you.

I always wanted to

be loved by you.

But this heart meant

to be broken,

For my love is always left

...unspoken!!

- July '98

Journal Entry '98: An Ode

- journal entry

12:15pm

Feb 21 '98

I don't know what to say. I'm confused and it made me blue.
Nobody knows about the way I feel.
I sense your loving touch, but it's not true!
All lies.., in fantasies... Illusions can never be real!

"Romeo, hear me speak,

hear me say!

Open your heart! Let me come in!

You've captured my soul!"

I don't know what should I feel.

Is it right for me to go on, or let go?

Convince myself I'm not inlove with you..

"Romeo, see me cry! Hear me sigh!

Tears fell down on my cheeks,

pitiful as it seems..."

I don't know how to go on.

Seems crazy but who cares?

I found happiness in you.

I'm helpless, and only you can help me.

"Romeo, feel this heart,

feel the sound.

Its love that I've found.

Now, my life is not abound..."

Words of silence remains..

Language of heartbroken,

But the last words of affection proclaims..

"Romeo, taste the sweet caress!

Taste the loving bliss!

Tomorrow when it shines,

Hath told reality strikes..."