When confusion strikes

This is the one of the most challenging

day of my life

caught in amidst of confusion

 I was seeking for the light...

Will I ever make it through?

Journal Entry '98: My Reflection

I am wondering how, where,

and when it all started.

I found myself questioning the essence of my existence.

Born in this undying cycle of life...

Why am I breathing?

Where am I going?

I saw darkness... where does it lead me?

I saw myself, it's vagueness!

A reflection of a lady.

An image who's still uncertain of reality...

Then, a flashback...

A child... sweet lil girl,

smiling and laughing...

Later on, 

tears fell down on the eyes of the child.

Tears of loneliness, tears of getting hurt.

In the eyes of the child,

I saw the real innocence.

The indescribable motive when she cried.

Suddenly... light comes!

Back to my own reflection in the mirror.

I closed my eyes.

Smiled when I opened them,

If only I can still be a child.

- Oct '98

Journal Entry '98: Vulnerable

I have eyes to see the reality

Yet I'm blind to accept it.

I have hands to touch 

and feel the warmth,

Yet I'm paralyse to reach.

I have a mind to contemplate enough,

Yet it's blocked by a stronger force.

I have a heart to know the beating sound,

Yet it's louder than my scream..

I found myself, empty!

I found it meaningless... absurd!

Why you're so mean?

- Sep '98

Journal Entry '98: Spell

Mark this day for you will not be remembered as love.
For you who never paid much attention to all my sufferings,
For you who never cared enough about the sadness you brought me,
For you who never dare to know who really am or what do I feel,
For you who never look deep inside of me..
You are now bound by a curse... a spell!


Mark this day for things will soon reverse...
Until then, I'll just look back at you with an idiot smile...

- Sep '98

Journal Entry '98: Mystery

Lost in a world of confusion,

No one to turn to - Love was left unspoken.

Without light to guide your way -

A path towards death leading you away...

Don't dare look back

For the past still haunt your thoughts.

Picture of grin won't be shown anymore,

Even the vast of full emotions...

Don't dare run,

Mixed creatures will follow.

Along your journey leads you to nowhere...

No one to turn to - Nobody would even care!

Suddenly, you remember someone up high,

Then you found yourself kneeling along the aisle...

- July '98

Journal Entry '98: Just Ask Me

Ask me to meet you halfway

and I will be there

extending my hand.

Ask me to give you support

and I will be strong

for you to lean on.

Ask me to understand you

and I'll listen without

prejudices.

Ask me stay

and be a part of 

your life forever...

and I will.

Ask me to hold your hand,

to respect your will,

because I love you... I will...

- July '98

Journal Entry '98: Garbled

My mood is changing,

my thoughts are shattering.

The sea is calm..

I hope you'll come!

The trees may die,

the birds can fly..

Whenever you neglect me,

I felt nobody!

The wind blows,

as my love grows.

Whenever you stare,

I feel you care...

- July '98