Dilemma

"Happy Birthday! I love you... And, you know that! I never meant to hurt you. You're still my love, my soul, my life... my all!"

I still love him. But, I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to believe him anymore. I don't want to believe his lies anymore. I can no longer trust him. Yet, he's still i think of... Him and my baby! 

"Love exist no more... I am deeply inlove with you! I know that you cannot give me what i seek and I'm ready to accept the truth if you'd just tell me... All I ever wanted is to be with you. Earn your trust and your love. If you still can't see that I'm trying very hard, I'm sorry for the space is too limited for us. But, there's hope..."

He came along unexpectedly. He was cheering me up when I'm down. He's my confidant. He listened with all ears to all my burdens and sentiments. He's confusing me...

Unexpected happiness

It's my birthday... And, i'm sad! I felt that everybody around me is so insensitive about the way i feel. I don't think they care. I don't think they value me as a friend, not even as a person. To be fair enough, they greeted me a happy birthday. Some sent me a text message. But still, I feel so down! I never showed it. There's this emptiness inside of me.

The clock is running. I received a message from Kwinnie. She's with Bo over at Rockwell. They want me to go home so we can eat lunch together. I finished the QA report as quick as i could. Still empty... Still lonely!

I'm very much surprise when i arrived at the mansion. So sweet! They bought me a cake from Rustan's. I cried my heart out. There.. it hit me right on spot! They really care... I was very overwhelmed! And, i cried... Tears of joy! Tears of overwhelming feeling! Tears of longing! I know, i'm still lucky to have my friends with me... I should cheer up! They just did!

The celebration did not stop there. At midnight, Bo and I went to Kalayaan to buy San Mig Light. We also bought isaw and pork barbeque. It was fun! I'm still lucky because i have them... I'm not empty! I still have them.

Damn Liar

Damn! I woke up with a text message from ex. I never replied on all of his messages for the past few days neither call him back. What's new?! He's denying! I'm so fed up with all of his excuses. We had a fight and i even asked for my freedom.

I will never be deceived again...

This is a very nice birthday present! Yep! Again, i cried. I'm still mourning. But, this should be the last.

Realization

Just had my 10 step coaching method demonstration. It was a rush! I did not expect it will be part of audit of Quality Assurance Department. Ah well, it felt good! I got a positive feedback from Mike Hoff and Bess Lim.

Recognition is something that you would have to earn. I guess, hard work pays off. So, I hafta focus! I'm losing out of track for the past few days. I'm still sad because of kermit. But, I'm taking everything positively. Maybe, we're not really meant for each other. Maybe, I'll find my man soon.. Who knows?! Just gotta concentrate on my job! I'm enjoying it! At least, i'm free!

"What you need is courage! Courage to accept the truth lies behind you so that you can see what lies ahead of you. Courage to face what is instore for you... You have lost the most expensive treasures in your life. But there are some jewelries left behind.. your friends! your job! Things that are valuable and rare! The freedom that you will experience is gonna make the pain subside. But later on, you will realize how sad and lonely to be alone. So, forgive and forget then move on..."

I was hoping... I'm hoping... I'll still hope...

another utopia

"I know you will feel bad that's why i chose to be alone. Now that you see and feel my point... Let me be the air you breathe..."

It was never what it seemed to be. I'm tormented... broken into pieces. Yet, I felt the glory. It is a battle i have to face, alone! And, I'm ready!

"What i saw in you was the real you and that blew me away. A woman who has great potentials. A woman who believes in her dreams. And, a woman who is fighting for love.."

Better than i hoped for.. better than expected! It's lying beneath the roseline. I'm still smiling... i'm still moving on! I'll find love someday.. May he find me soon!

Vampire Banshee

I almost cry my heart out after reading Kwinny's entry. I never expected it! So, here's what she wrote for me.

Yes, life is so unfair. We may have our ups and downs. It takes so much pains to appreciate glory. It takes so much tears to appreciate laughter. It takes so much burdens to get into paradise. It takes so much betrayal to trust and open one's heart again. It takes so much hatred to appreciate love.

Darkness can not take out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate can not take out hate. Only love can. 

From my inner sanctity, thank you so much Kwiny, Bo, Sarah & Maya. Life sucks! But knowing you guys are there.. life is a little bit easier to handle.

More than hatred

I hate you... I despise you... I abhor you...

He is my life. He never changed. I never want to see him, never again. I don't want to be with him, never again. He's such a damn liar! All of his sweet lies. All of his pretentions!

I will never be deceived... never again! Gotta face this alone..

Let me drown in quagmire. Let me die in pain!