This isn’t about you. It’s about me.
I tend to distance myself and shut down to protect my well-being when I’m not okay.
You came into mylife when you’re 5. It was an instant feeling and connection. We may not share genes. But I poured all my love into you, treating you as my own. Time flies… I remember looking at you multiple times, but you met my gaze without blinking - you’ve lied every time. Then, the bomb.
We’re completely shattered. So many questions flood my mind—denial turned anger. Is it a prank? It’s not happening. How was your trust manipulated? Who was there to protect and guide you? But mostly guilt, so many what ifs. Could we have done more to prevent you from being in that situation?
It’s like I want to disappear for a moment, and just wallow because pretending is tough. But I couldn’t, I have my own kids who envy you for getting extra care and attention, and they need me.
I keep asking myself. Where were we in the process? Isn’t it normal to feel anger? Of course, we care so much. We wanted to safeguard you. But why was it rejected — invalidated? Just like that, we were given a cold shower?
So, I want to remember this someday. I want it to stick with me. The times when we felt low. The days when we felt excluded, defeated. I don't want to forget them.
I want to acknowledge this feeling every bit of it. And it's okay even if our situation isn't okay. Because of this, I accept the situation more. I’m forgiving myself for not being there with you to protect and guide you. Now I’m letting go of that guilt… So it’s okay for me to be sad. It is beyond my control. I know I did and gave my very best to be a role model to you.
I want to hold onto these moments of vulnerability. And keep reminding myself - It’s okay not to be okay. But this too shall pass.
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