I Didn’t Enable, I Survived

Today is moving day. And yet, I don’t feel the rush of emotions I expected. No breakdown, no overwhelming sense of relief—just numbness.

Maybe it’s exhaustion. Maybe it’s self-protection. Maybe it’s my body shielding me from the emotions that will come later.

But I do know one thing: I am done just surviving.

The moment I started packing my kitchen appliances, he left. No words. No acknowledgment. No confrontation. Just like he always does.

For years, this is how it has been. He comes and goes as he pleases. No explanations. No accountability. No consideration for anyone but himself. And after years of walking on eggshells, I eventually stopped asking.

I did the same. I left whenever I wanted. I stopped explaining. I stopped waiting. Because what was the point?

And when we did talk, I learned to stay silent. Because silence was safer than the yelling. Safer than the cursing. Safer than the unbearable words he threw whenever he pleased.

And for a long time, I asked myself, did I enable this?

But today, I finally understand:I didn’t enable him. I survived him. I Will Not Carry the Weight of His Actions. He became who he is on his own. I did not make him this way.

I am not responsible for his lack of effort. I am not responsible for his lack of growth. I am not responsible for how he chooses to handle this.

I spent years swallowing my anger, my pain, my frustration, just to keep the peace. But now, I know, peace isn’t something I should have had to beg for.

So if he wants to walk away without a word? Let him. If he wants to pretend this isn’t happening? Let him.

Because I am no longer waiting for an apology. I am no longer waiting for him to change. I am no longer waiting for something that was never mine to fix.

Today Is About Moving Forward, Not Looking Back. My mother-in-law begged me not to go. That hurt. But my mother reminded me: Today, I focus on myself and my kids.

So that’s exactly what I’m doing.

• I took the day off work.
• I let myself sleep without guilt.
• I let the helpers do the packing.
• I am taking this one moment at a time.

Because this day is not about him. It is about me walking toward a life where I am no longer surviving but finally, truly living.