One beautiful day

TOday is a beautiful day.

I sat by the creek and contemplated.

I missed the things we do, but somehow it didn't matter.

The serenity and beauty of my feelings and surroundings completely captivated me.

I thought of you...

I discovered you tucked away in the shadows of the trees, then rediscovered you in the smiles of the flower as the sun penetrated the petals.

...in the rhythm of the leaves falling upon the stream.

...in the freedom of the robin as he flew searching as you do.

I'm very happy you have found me.

Now, i will never leave you.

For you will always find me in the beauty of life...

Good thoughts... good karma!

Yeah! I've been suffering chronic depression for the past 2 months. But still, i'm alive and kicking! I need to prove them wrong. Can't just runaway without facing my own battle.

It won't make me less as a person if i'd just antagonize the carnivorous mammal. At first, it was really frustrating! Imagine living your life... Trying to get up after such a nightmare, then there they are mocking at you without knowing the reasons at all. I'M SENSITIVE enough to feel there's something wrong. But hell! How would i know what lies behind?

Am i mad? No, just obsolete! Things happened with reasons... Reasons that "could be" justified. Justification prevails through communication. Communication is a two-way process, there should be a sender and a receiver. Now think!

moving on...

It's been awhile since the last time i made an entry. I decided to stop. Yet i know, something inside of me will cry. This is my outlet. This is me...

After almost two weeks of struggling, now, i can finally say, i'm moving on! And, i think i'm falling! Uhm! Wait! The question is... how can you really say if you're falling? Is it because he's making you smile? Is it because he's making your day just right? Is it because he's there when you're crying?

I dunno what it is that he has... But, i feel so safe. I'm so broken, yet, he's picking up all the pieces and putting it back all together. I'm so shattered, yet, i think i have so much to give.

I still think of him. And I still have feelings somehow. But, i'm really moving on! Let time heal all the pains... but i'm ready to love and trust again...

hella smoke

I'm in deep trouble. But, I don't care. I have loads of problems now. Rumors. This is not the kind of issue that i'd rather deal with. I know myself. I will never be affected. The hell I care! They all can go to hell... they'll never get anything from me. It will never destroy my credibility. I've been through a lot. I'd rather be silent. Neither i'd confirm nor deny til the hell freezes out! Less talks. Less mistakes.

Ive Got A Feeling

Ive Got A Feeling

Oh yeah
Baby, what can i do?
I've been, out searching for you.
I've got a feeling
all i need is a love thats true
Baby, what can i say?
I know, this wont go away
I've got a feeling
all i need is to see today
I've been watching the world pass by
all around me
I was letting the days go by
till you found me
Baby, what can i do?
Ive been, out searching for you
I've got a feeling
all i need is a love that's true
I've been watching the world pass by
all around me
I was letting the days go by
till you found me

Last Teardrop

Am I really happy? Am I really moving on? How come it's still killing me with pain? Don't know from which I'm grieving. Is it kermit or HIM? He's my life. He took it away from me. I don' know when will I survive! He's my hope... But, how can I hope if there's no reason to hope for? He's my heartbeat... What's the use of it if there's no reason for you to go on? I would never feel hurt this way if he didn't hurt me. I was so young then, and you broke my heart. And now I think it's still broken.

There are endless questions... I said, I hafta move on... So, it's really over and there's no turning back! I drowned myself into tears along with liquor until it put me into sleep.

When I woke up, a sillohouette.. Swaying... Again, searching... I asked myself, Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating? Is this just one my sweetest fantasy? I closed my eyes, I seek for an answer. So, I opened my eyes. Even in blur vision, I know there he really was... Offering his soul...

I'm free

I met him 5 years ago. It was heaven! I learned so many things. We've been through ups & downs. We've shared so much together. He was my knight & shining armor... He was my shufu... He's the originator of my serenity... He was my hope... 

I loved him... I trusted him... He was my only hope to survive after that traumatic past. I thought I'd never be hurt again. Yet, this is another heartbreak.

5 years of being in love. Years that I spent waiting and hoping for the changes. I was never perfect. Though I tried to adjust, tried to meet his needs... I guess, you really can not change someone. It could only happen if there's a will.

Now, it's over! do I feel empty? No. Sad, yes! Am i still crying? Yes i do! When will i recover? That i don't know! Do i still love him? I guess but I'll never be deceived again. It's been 5 years of patience and understanding. Yes, i'm a modern martyr! Am I ready to fall in love again? Time will heal all the wounds.

Like what "sweet symphony" told me: "What you need is courage! Courage to accept the truth lies behind you so that you can see what lies ahead of you. Courage to face what is instore for you... You have lost the most expensive treasures in your life. But there are some jewelries left behind.. your friends! your job! Things that are valuable and rare! The freedom that you will experience is gonna make the pain subside. But later on, you will realize how sad and lonely to be alone. So, forgive and forget then move on..."

Yes... i hafta move, and i know i should!