Welcome 2010

People tend to release their stress in many ways. But what I found worked for me is thru blogging. I was as so amazed checking all my entries way back 2005. Oh yes! I've been addicted to blog writing way way back.  It's been years since I posted an entry. Yet now I'm back.

I was damn busy last year. 2009 for me was a year of challenges, triumphs and new beginnings. Early part of the year, I left my comfort zone. It was really hard to leave if you knew you belong in that group. For what? I don't know… Maybe because I was bored with my life, and I wanted to prove something. So there, I joined another group. First few weeks being in that core, I knew it - there's a mismatch in culture.  But, I've always been a fighter. Despite challenges, depressions and over-stressed work, I tried to find my inner core happiness to bring me back to the core. I couldn't lose my grip, couldn't let go that easily. No regrets of trying to belong… I learned and experienced a lot. It's just not meant for me. Sometimes, you just couldn't fit in no matter what you do. It's hard to embrace something you don't really believe in.  At first, you could try to immerse… but sooner, you won't be able to take it anymore. It feels like you can't breathe anymore.

To those people who hurt me - THANK YOU! Without you, I wouldn't be stronger. I would have never realized what path I should really be taking. Because of you, I came to my senses - and understood I can't always please everyone. Thank you! Now, I'm stronger and better!

To those people I hurt in the past - I'M SORRY! Maybe, I'm just another girl, and I couldn't stand for what I should be. Or maybe I was not looking at my imperfections.

I've been blessed because I came to a realization. It's about time for me to do what I love the most. Nobody can stop me now from doing what I want. Being ME without any façade. I welcome 2010 with many opportunities to grow and mature as a person. 

Letter from a friend: Prisoner of Own Captivity

A friend of mine sharing a letter which has never been sent out. 

How do you mend a broken heart? How do you tell your heart to stop beating for someone you're not suppose to love? How could you tell if it's really love or it's just a mere admiration or attraction maybe. 

Been thinking crazy for the past few weeks. Trying to do soul searching but still questions are unanswered. Will confrontation work? Should I tell what I feel to make this feeling go away? But what if I'm wrong? What if there's really nothing?

This is insane. It's been haunting me. I listen to radio, I hear THAT song. I watch movies, I hear THAT song or thy name. Am I too desperate to know the answers? Are you thinking of me? What's the point of knowing the answers? Will it make any difference? It won't change a damn thing. What it is… I really don't know. When will I find out? That am not even sure.

Sigh.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much. Maybe because I seek for answers, it made me think I feel something special. Maybe I just over analyzed things. I should think that this is not worth it. I shouldn't waste my time thinking and seeking for answers. I guess, I'm a prisoner of my own captivity… There's no point of thinking… no point at all. Maybe then, this will soon fade away.

- Anonymous

Reminisce

Dark, quiet night.

Suddenly it all echoed

Sweet sound of laughter

How amazing it made me smile...

Something to hold on to

Call it faith! 

Trust maybe...

That maybe someday

Destiny will lead me back to where it all started

New place, yet a common ground!

Out of comfy

On my way to town yesterday, there were so many things running through my head. I asked myself, did I make the right decision of leaving the company. Technically, I'm not yet resigned. It will be effective 2 weeks from now. But I was really wondering where will this lead me? Few decisions I made in the past practically made me regret at some point. Decisions that were decided due to the spur of the moment reaction. This time it's different. I'm physically, emotionally and morally affected. See, I was given a task to manage a startup account. It's really a long story. To cut to the chase, I did, and it went well except for the past month when we had a major setback.

Leaving the company wasn't an easy decision. I love what I do, I love the people I work with, I simply love my team. I recruited them, trained them, gave them confidence so they can be the best of what they can be. Maybe I got tired of all the stress and pressure. Managing an account with 3 LOBs isn't an easy job. I wasn't just a manager. They weren't just my team - They're family. At times, I was rough to my so-called kids. I usually get hot tempered. I was too disappointed... I felt... empty.

I believe things happened for a reason. This decision I made of leaving my comfort zone, my fortress wasn't easy but it's worth it...

Expectations, expectations, expectations!

If things go wrong. How do you take it? Will you accept things as it is or try to get away with it?

There are things better left unspoken. It may never be perfect as it seem yet we just need to look how can we use it on our own advantage. I can't be direct to the point on this blog post. I'm trying to protect the people involve... I'm trying to protect myself from any danger this may cause me.

Nothing more hurtful than a smooth attack of deceit. So, how would you take it? Will you retaliate back or look at the brighter side of it.

I've always been pessimistic about things. What i realized is that the reason i usually got affected is because i expect so much from people. I value the people i work with, i treat them as friends. And if something uninviting comes, i usually react and got hurt. You may ask, what the hell am i trying to point out?! Just read between the lines. If you're smart enough to delve down, you may find the reason behind...

"Beware Of Slowing Down"

This poem's about a lesson,

while training for your crown.

To always steady grow,

to beware of slowing down.

Learn something every day,

while on the battle-ground.

Get stronger every trial,

must beware of slowing down.

Must press ahead each day,

don't turn or look around.

Don't rest or think to quit,

just beware of slowing down.

For if you start to slow,

it'll make you fret and frown.

Watch greatness pass you by,

so beware of slowing down.

I learned my Holy lesson,

it's subtle yet profound.

A lesson of moving ahead,

it's beware of slowing down.

For when I rule in heaven,

I'll wear my golden crown.

Swiftly Bless my citizens,

I'll beware of slowing down.

I'll briskly fill their joy,

keep them safe and sound.

Serve with steady pace,

but beware of slowing down.

I'll serve them speedy fast,

so quick it will astound.

I'll lead them through eternity,

will beware of slowing down.

I'll think about my citizens,

my love for them abound.

I'll love with Holy zeal,

I'll beware of slowing down.

© 2005 Terry Goss Holy Poems.org

"The Love He Has For You"

This poem's about His love, a love that's Holy true.
As Father to His Son, the love He has for you.

A love that's so creative, a love you're made into.
Made into His image, the love He has for you.

To love you like Himself, to cherish Bless and woo.
As part of His own body, the love He has for you.

A deep and perfect love, reserved for just a few.
Reserved for His dear family, the love He has for you.

A love that never dies, a love He won't undo.
A lasting Holy love, the love He has for you.

A love to show He cares, a love to grow into.
A love to be beside you, the love He has for you.

A love you cannot earn, no matter what you do.
A love that's freely given, the love He has for you.

A love that's so compelling, to do the things He do.
A love that's deeply moving, the love He has for you.

The love He has for you, a love to Him as pleasure.
A love to Him as joy, a love to Him as treasure.

The love He has for you, a love with all His might.
A strong and power love, a love that's glowing bright.

The love He has for you, a love I can't described.
A marvel and a wonder, a love that's glorified.

The love He has for you, share with you His wealth.
Share with you His Kingdom, share till nothing's left.

The love He has for you, a love He can't confine.
A love with open heart, a love that is divine.

A love that's always fresh, a love that's always new.
A love that's always flowing, the love He has for you.

A love you didn't know, a love you never knew.
A love to be revealed, the love He has for you.

A love no one can measure, dimensions without clue.
No boundary or a wall, the love He has for you.

A love to keep Him close, to stick to you like glue.
A love to give His all, the love He has for you.

A love that's always willing, alert without miscue.
A love that's eager ready, the love He has for you.

Help you while on Earth, cheer you when you're blue.
Love with tender mercy, the love He has for you.

He even came Himself, your spirit to renew.
Died for all your sins, the love He has for you.

Sent His Holy Spirit, teach you what to do.
Love you every step, the love He has for you.

Sent His mighty angels, help you make it through.
Love to show concern, the love He has for you.

Sent His Holy poems, let you read and view.
Gift to show His love, the love He has for you.

So now you know His love, a love that's ready due.
A love to cherish now, the love He has for you.

So now you know His love, a love you must pursue.
Pursue throughout eternity, the love He has for you.

So now you know His love, a love to crown you too.
A love to rule beside Him, the love He has for you.

So now you know His love, a love that grew and grew.
A love forever growing, the love He has for YOU!