Infatuation vs. Real Love

Oh, the feeling of being in love! When you know that you know it’s right!  It’s got to be one of life’s greatest highlights. When it’s so awesome that it’s difficult to put into words…  Just to hear someone say, “I’m in love,” with the tone of their voice floating with emotion. There’s a sparkle in their eye that proves the fireworks have gone off.  When they can finally say, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, and I know I never will again.” 

Love, in part, is a feeling.  The Greeks used the word eros to describe romantic love.  Believe it or not, the Bible encourages eros.  The entire book of the songs of Solomon is devoted to honoring marriage, and how vital romantic love, sex, and intimacy are within the confines of marriage.  I am tired of people putting down this part of love. Although not complete love, physical attraction to another is part of falling in love.  Love is also a deep commitment for the betterment of the other person – A vow to unconditionally accept and cherish this person, even when the conditions change, even when you feel like leaving.

Commitment and affection are needed to build a relationship that lasts. Try saying to someone that you weren’t attracted to them, but that you were choosing to date them, and promised to be committed to them because that’s what real love is.  I think it’s clear to see that’s not love (and the other person wouldn’t feel loved).  The flip side, which isn’t love either, is having just the feeling good part of love.

Real love will work in good times, and in health, and if things get better. But love based on feelings alone will never endure the bad times, sickness, or if things got worse.  Maybe that’s why 52% of marriages end in divorce. I will bet that when they fell in love, they thought it would be forever.  

What went wrong?  What happened?  Was it really love?  What is love anyway?  And how do you know if you are in love or only infatuated? Infatuation has been defined as “being completely carried away by affections,” or “the emotional impulse of love untested by time or circumstance.”  When the feeling part of love is so strong that it blinds us to reality – that is infatuation.  Ray Short puts it this way; “Remember infatuation is a vaccine that immunizes you against seeing anything wrong with the other person.  You tend to put your beloved on a pedestal, a paragon of perfection.  You live in a sort of Romantic Disneyland.” 

Real love is not blind.  Real love always does a reality check.  If it does not pass, it will not last.  It is possible to experience all the emotions and affections in a relationship, and not be real love. Real, complete love is forever.  Falling in real love includes attraction; staying in real love takes 
commitment.